Fitness Log #3

It's my Friday fitness long once again... but unfortunately I don't have great things to report.

Well, that's not entirely true, I have managed to hold my weight at 210.5; surprising as I've blown off the diet and exercise for the last week.

The accident has been the kind of stupid small blow that for unknown reasons seems to have totally broke me. I know I posted these sentiments on Monday, but that was 5 days ago... when everything still hurt, when I still couldn't see straight, when it was all very fresh. But here I am today, and I don't want to get out of bed. I'm tired of people telling me I need to be neater and that I need to clean, and I need to stop e-mailing and study. I'm tired of sleeping horribly, and w/ in 10 minutes of being upright getting massive headaches. I feel so staggeringly behind on trying to study for the Bar, that I can't help but wonder what the point really is. I'm tired of people who volunteer to "help", and do things you don't ask them to do (my laundry, making deviled eggs for me for a party tomorrow, appreciated to an extent, but not what I needed help with), and then get irritated w/ me when I do actually ask for something I need (rub out my neck and shoulder for the first time since the accident to try and get it to not be a painful knot of tension any more). And now i just don't wan to get out of bed, and I know that will only make the situation worse.

I think that having the fitness goal has been a major part of me being able to cope with life in general lately. A goal, a minor distraction. Besides blogging, its been how I've been able to physically channel all of my frustration. That sort of got taken away from me this week. For some reason, doctors don't like the idea of you running when you have a concussion... go figure. So the most frustrating event that's happened since May's lump in my neck, I can't do anything to physically to take my mind off it really. And then, I've turned to comfort foods. Little snacks that make me feel better... so basically this week I've blown off the diet. Everything just seems derailed and off track; I keep telling myself that next week I'll be back on a schedule and feeling good, and back to the diet and the trainer, and everything will be better. But today, when I need to be on track today... this sucks.

Actually, it's almost amusing strong enough to fight cancer but totally thrown by a fender-bender.

Reaching Out to Strangers

*that's my "I have a big ego" picture, and yes my bedroom is the same color as my blog


I would be the first to acknowledge that things in my world run along on their own synchronistic paths, that to any outside observer would probably look like either complete chaos or eerily consistent coincidences. Actually, I take that back... from my point of view that's what it looks like, so I can't imagine how outsiders would take it at all.

I am a gemini, and true to to that, I tend to have multi personalities, and juggle multiple things at once. Doing this blog seems to be no exception to this rule.

So last week, while I was freaking out about job interviews and things, I also had sort of an emotional freak out about the whole permanent cancer thing. But for whatever reason, just writing a blog post and sendin it out in the anonymous blogosphere of existance wasn't going to cut it. So instead, I wrote to the only other person I know of that has thyca on a permanent basis; Kairol Rosenthal from Everything Changes. And she has been awesome enough to respond to me in a blog post on her blog, and we've sort of been having a chat back and forth over there on the things I've been frustrated with lately... You can read about it here: Everything Changes . I figured if you follow along with things like my little rants, you might be interested.

What I like most is this is exactly why I started blogging and searching the internet community and digging up total strangers to talk to. Because when I had that complete freak out, I knew there was at least one other person in the world I could turn to that would actual get it. My EXACT problem. Not a different cancer, not a different chronic disease. And that, well, wow did that help. On my ego side, its kind of neat to see that I had real questions that other people had too, and in general are going through similar situations, even if not exact. I can only hope that I can give the same kind of support when someone needs it.

How this ties in w/ bizarre synchronicity is, not only did Kairol talk about my letter to her on her blog, but Matthew Zachary (i[2]y, stupid cancer blog and radio show) came across my last blog post, and has stuck links to it all over facebook and the stupid cancer blog. I'm pretty sure my blog hits have jumped exponentially. I'm also pretty embarrassingly proud to get attention for something that seemed easy enough to do.

So yeah, in a weird synchronistic day, my name has been plastered all over what I generally consider the main young adult cancer blogs in one day, for two unrelated topics. My ego is HUGE right now, and my studying minimal.

And since I'm talking about blogging, I'd like to direct your attention to some little tweaks I've made (I have no idea why I like to update on format changes to the blog... again, I think it goes w/ the ego and conquring technology in some small way). I've split general cancer blogs and cancer websites. I've also relisted all the blogs to show the name of the last entry and when they were last updated; this might just be more for me so i can see what blogs have updated recently all in one shot so i can read them, rather than scrolling through my bookmarks. I've also stuck a followers box. I've been avoiding this; part of me is content w/ just having a counter, but... how cool is it to say i have "followers" (again, I'm having an ego day). And I'm curious about who likes to read me... No pressure to follow, its just there for my amusement, and if you see other people you want to connect with. The last new feature I put up is a cool little map that puts dots to show where people are logging in from. While being dominated by US and Canadian visitors, there seems to be some UK regulars, along w/ hits from Germany, Hungary, Italy, Iceland, Bermuda and the Phillippeans. Now that's what I call networking. Oh, and I broke 1,000 hits last night. 8-)

Friends

A lot of things have been going around lately about the importance of friends and social circles for getting over cancer. I'm sort of piggybacking off of these things, mainly because they are timely.

Since 2005, I've gone into each spring on my low iodine diet, hypo, and then radiated. I'm pretty open with the fact that I have cancer... but at the same time, I don't like the attention... or having my friends feel bad or worries, or put in the position of saying the wrong thing... etc. But, I still need my support, but without the burden of worrying. This might fly against what others think should be done, and the first and even the second, i didn't mind so much. But when it became an every year issues, it just seems ridiculous to put people through the same stuff again and again.

So what I do each year is throw a party. The Radioactive Robin Wine Party. You know, b/c being on the iodine diet you can still drink wine. And so its become tradition. This year's party was last night. It was called the 4th annual NON-Radioactive Robin Wine Party: the Nuclear Fallout. I'm wordy, what can i say. This year was particularly important to me. I graduated w/ my masters yesterday (law is in another couple of weeks 8D). And this year, as the title implies I'm not radioactive, and I'm actually moving. It was also important to me to have all my friends. Only a handful, like 4, know that things didn't go well this year, and that I tested positive for the cancer, and that I'm just supposed to be sitting and waiting it out.

So for me, having everyone around means a lot more to me than I might let them know. I prefer having my friends celebrate things with me, and just hang out. It makes me feel normal...