Friday, October 30, 2009

Over it...

So it quite randomly occurred to me about 5 minutes ago that I am quite done with having cancer. Clearly cancer is a passing fad, and i've been there, done that, and have more "important" issues accumulating on my plate to continue dealing with cancer. *this should have been read with absolute sarcasm in mind

It's been about 5 years since it was brought to my attention I had a lump on my neck. As my mom put it the other day, it seems like my life has stagnated and I have issues with moving on. Apparently so does cancer.---> random robin side rant... i am literally in limbo... i can't get a proper law job till i pass the bar, which is in february, and, I don't know if you have tried looking for a job lately, but it ain't pretty... I'm in disagreement with mother about whether or not I'm choosing to be in my current situation... and whether or not i've put forth any effort and follow-through... sometimes its just easier to let her think what she believes

So now I need to go find myself a new doctor down here, or schedule whatever I need done up in Pittsburgh... B/c the cancer just keeps hanging around like that guy you broke up with who doesn't get the hint, I believe i need to do thyrogen shots, bloodwork, an ultrasound and possible fna, and maybe another mri or pet/ct... they like those. I have delayed in this b/c, well, I've been pretending as hard as I can lately that its not there. I've stopped reading cancer blogs, I've stopped writing. I saw a brief window of opportunity to make it all disappear in my head. Like when i travel and backpack... something may be going on, but if i'm in the middle of a jungle, there's nothing to be done, so i can not worry about it.

And its good...not to worry that is. I've got a lot to worry about in life. I would just really appreciate this to be done. Or to go back and never have it happen. I'm over the cancer fad.

1 comment:

MaLou Silverman said...

That's the attitude, atta girl!

Our family has a history of thyroid problems and recently after an ultrasound, they found a small lump on my throat. I don't worry about it. All my family members who had goiter problems led and are leading normal lives. Oh, my sister sometimes used it as as excuse for her mood swings. Maybe I could use it too sometime :)

Ciao, be well, hugs.