Post-Interview debriefing

I wasn't going to post again, but I had to.

The interview was fantastic, really,... and all I want to do is go home, curl up in a ball, and cry.

How f*kd up is that?

There was a panel of 8 people. It was kind of like a Chinese fire drill meets Monty Python's Spanish inquisition. They questioned my travels, why I was interested in defense work, etc. Poked fun at me for knowing the cops in the city. Sold me on how awesome working there would be, and how great of an experience it is. Then as I left the berated me with information and tips for passing the Bar. I don't remember the last time I slipped so easily into stride w/ a group of people. But they are basically all my friends transposed into new bodies. People interested in public interest work aren't your usual lawyers. They were all in late 20's early 30's (more or less). I was comfortable, and could see being happy, though poor, there.

So, why am I sitting in a library choking back the urge to cry?

First thought, what if I don't get the job? That would suck. I almost didn't want to like the interview so that if I didn't get the job I wouldn't be disappointed.

Second thought, if I got it, would I be settling? Its a safe job. Near home, could commute if I really wanted to save some cash. Its a very relaxed job (sort of)... would I get too comfortable doing something that comes easy to me? Is the safe job the way to go? Safe, reasonable, prudent, practical... always the way I deal with things.

Am I giving up on an international job search? Is practicality winning out?

What is it that I even want anymore? When did I stop aiming for my dreams, and instead started looking for things that were safe and practical?

I don't know.