Saturday, January 23, 2010

Doing what makes you happy.

Today was a great day.

I got to do the Hokey Pokey... not the dirty kind. Shame on you. Actually, every Saturday I get to do the Hokey Pokey. I've started teaching swim lessons with handicapped kids again. Its been a long time. It's taken me 3 weeks to become a person again. Going from lawyer to kid person takes a giant leap. The last time I worked w/ the kids is right after my first surgery, the summer before going to law school. At that point, cancer was just a random speed bump that meant I was going right to law school. I was still more or less me, a lot less bitter, a lot less stand offish, and really good with kids. It feels really good to be at ease with kids again. It feels really good to volunteer.

It is what makes me happy.

One thing I've always had a problem w/ with my cancer is that I already had great big plans about going and saving the world. I didn't need a life altering illness to make me see how precious and awesome life is and how I feel like I have a responsibility to help people. Actually, its been one of my biggest anger points. I've been trying to do good things and cancer keeps getting in the way.

But today... I got a Peace Corps nomination. Not just that, but its to my number 1 region I want to go to. I still have to pass the medical and what not. But the program leaves in September, and I need to do some hard core language training before that. Its going to either be in Morocco or Jordan. 2 years. I'll have to learn French and Arabic. I do that well, and I'm looking at incredible qualifications. Its doing community development work, with a focus on at risk youth development. Something I've already done.

I know there's still a good chance I will fail the medical. I know this. But for the first time, in a very very very long time, I feel like I'm going to get to live the life I want. I'm going to do something that makes me feel good; I'm going to do something that makes me feel happy. I'm going to do something that I'm good at.

For the first time, in a very very very very very very very long time, I have hope.


Caroline said...

I just found your blog. Go to Morocco or Jordan - I think its a great idea. I had thyroid cancer in 1981 and two years later went to Europe for six months. Have synthroid, will travel. Cancer shouldn't get in the way of living your life.

Anonymous said...

Cancer took my mother and now my sister. Don't need to discuss the odds. Seeking emotional recovery and viewed your blog. You can make that peace corps assignment - hang tough!

from the other side of the battle: