Friday, July 3, 2009

Fitness Log #3

It's my Friday fitness long once again... but unfortunately I don't have great things to report.

Well, that's not entirely true, I have managed to hold my weight at 210.5; surprising as I've blown off the diet and exercise for the last week.

The accident has been the kind of stupid small blow that for unknown reasons seems to have totally broke me. I know I posted these sentiments on Monday, but that was 5 days ago... when everything still hurt, when I still couldn't see straight, when it was all very fresh. But here I am today, and I don't want to get out of bed. I'm tired of people telling me I need to be neater and that I need to clean, and I need to stop e-mailing and study. I'm tired of sleeping horribly, and w/ in 10 minutes of being upright getting massive headaches. I feel so staggeringly behind on trying to study for the Bar, that I can't help but wonder what the point really is. I'm tired of people who volunteer to "help", and do things you don't ask them to do (my laundry, making deviled eggs for me for a party tomorrow, appreciated to an extent, but not what I needed help with), and then get irritated w/ me when I do actually ask for something I need (rub out my neck and shoulder for the first time since the accident to try and get it to not be a painful knot of tension any more). And now i just don't wan to get out of bed, and I know that will only make the situation worse.

I think that having the fitness goal has been a major part of me being able to cope with life in general lately. A goal, a minor distraction. Besides blogging, its been how I've been able to physically channel all of my frustration. That sort of got taken away from me this week. For some reason, doctors don't like the idea of you running when you have a concussion... go figure. So the most frustrating event that's happened since May's lump in my neck, I can't do anything to physically to take my mind off it really. And then, I've turned to comfort foods. Little snacks that make me feel better... so basically this week I've blown off the diet. Everything just seems derailed and off track; I keep telling myself that next week I'll be back on a schedule and feeling good, and back to the diet and the trainer, and everything will be better. But today, when I need to be on track today... this sucks.

Actually, it's almost amusing strong enough to fight cancer but totally thrown by a fender-bender.

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