Touch

I have no feeling on the left side under my chin... going down from there i feel only tingles into my upper chest and shoulder....

I wish i could say that the only numbness i felt was physical... but I have stopped feeling a lot of things. When I was first diagnosed, my surgeon (*note not doctor) was worried that I didn't cry. She thought I probably needed a drink and to watch the saddest movie I could think of. It's unnatural to not cry over cancer... surgery... and radiation... particularly the first round...

4 years later and my indifference towards things has only expanded into my non health life... be it my indifference to school... or even love... the last few weeks had been crap... then last week was awesome... lots of great stuff happened... and i had no reaction... null... i even got back the results that said it looks like no more cancer... instead of happiness... i felt cautious.... caution with everything... I have a problem: I don't think that I can really feel happy about anything... b/c it never seems to last... hard to explain... but you know... 4 years... keep being told its ok... but then not... it has its effects